Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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