Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
