no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
