I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
