do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is Oprah even human
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
