Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.