I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
