I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls