she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake