he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.