In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.