Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
