I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains