omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
