Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
