I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
