Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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