it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
