Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
