So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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