he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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