nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
