so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
