Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
