I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
