Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
