Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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