Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
