I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
