so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize