my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
