At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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