Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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