It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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