I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
