I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
