Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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