Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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