if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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