Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
