my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
