just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
