I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
