Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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