and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
