how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
