I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
