Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
