i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
