my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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