i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
