It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
