the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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