I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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