Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
