all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
