Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
