She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
