you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
