so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The air was thick with penises
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
