How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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