I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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