i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
