last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
