i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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