That's when you crack a 10am beer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
