saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
