After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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