Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i think i just lost a toe
His nipple licking is glorious
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