Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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