Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
