R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
