The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
